Poetry in motion

Writing has always been a passion since I was at school. I love words and find that there are so many to explain our hopes and desires, our loves and hates, our needs and wants. I feel uncomfortable with unnecessary swearing that so many feel is needed to explain what they mean. The English language, whatever form you use, is diverse and eloquent enough without stooping to the profane.

I felt that I needed to put my feelings on Aphasia into words, not spoken as that is difficult, but onto paper (or on my blog) so I started to write and the words came, slowly, but they are there. Not first rate but they are my feelings and still I have blocks where words are refusing to show themselves. The rest is for your opinions.

Pride, don't take a fall

Why make life so difficult

When it could be such fun?

Why try to do the hardest things

When solutions are at hand?

Why try to be independent

When help is all around?

Why climb the steep slope of hardship

When a lift will get there quicker?

We all like to be in charge

To be the one who does it all

Times come when life goes wrong

Then is the time to accept some help

Don't be proud just ask around

Many will come to your call

Why struggle and fret when there is no need

When another will help to ease the stress

Pride will come before a fall

A saying well versed

But proven to be true

Don't take that fall

Just because

Your pride

Is too strong to lose.

From the small voice of Aphasia to the roar of confidence

I want independence

I want perfection

I want acceptance

I cannot wait

How often I have said these words

I had my own agenda then

I wanted to be like everyone else

I wanted to be first in everything

I was full of my own self importance

I wasn't caring of my fellow man

Life changed

Abilities stolen

Isolation reigned

Future doubtful

Stroke takes no prisoners it strikes unbidden

It takes away that independence and ability

Pushed into isolation for fear of ridicule

What can be left for me now in this world ?

Life changes but still there is ability

Independence is achievable if help is accepted

Ignorance and intolerance are bigger disabilities

Once the door of isolation is opened, explore the world

The first step is small but leads to great leaps

The hand of friendship is forever open

The small voice of Aphasia turns into a roar of confidence

The hearts of survivors are full of love and tolerance

Life changes, but take that small step and make it a giant leap!

Even if I can't

Could you still love me, even if I can't say 'I love you '?

Could you still hold me, even if I can't hold you back ?

Could you still take me out, even if I can't walk ?

Could you stay with me, even if I need caring for ?

Could you still desire me, even if I have a useless body ?

Could you still caress me, even if I can't feel it ?

Could you still talk with me, even if I can't express my thoughts ?

I can't say 'I love you' but look into my eyes.

I can't hold you but I can sit beside you.

I can't walk but I still like to see outside.

I need caring for but I can't let you go.

My body is useless but I can still lie beside you.

I can't feel you caress me but I can see you touch me.

I can't express MY thoughts but I can listen to yours.

A lovesong for my beloved

Long ago we made a vow

Something I remember, even now

To love and honour each other we said

I do not regret saying it as we wed

I love you now as much as ever

And honour you here with every letter

As we became one till the end of time.

Deep in my heart my love is strong

And spills out in joy as a love song

Passion, desire, caress and urge

Wrapped up in every single word

This outpouring of thoughts of you

Are words I promise are forever true

And will be the same till the end of time.

After the storm clouds

Afternoon sun disappears behind the gathering clouds

White, scattered turn a silver grey

Gradually attaining a charcoal hue

Before cultivating a deepening brume

Obliterating the golden orb

Shielding it from human eye

Rain nebula gather to douse the earth

Rain falls pattering softly

Increasing in density

Beating a tattoo on solid ground

Drenching, impregnating, saturating, submerging

Until, exhausted, the torrent abates

The golden orb peeks through the depleted clouds

Luminous streaks radiate the sky

Glimmering on the waterlogged terrain

Conduits glisten as luminosity shimmers in sparkling dartles

The storm clouds dissipate

Opening to the brilliant arc emblazoning the skies

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet

In scintillating perceptibility

Virtually tangible in proximity

The curlicue is a covenant of ameliorated future.

Would I change who I am ?

 

One day I asked myself, 'Would I change how I am ? '

Would I have a perfect life, riches and fame, glory and decorations ?

No ! I accept my life,as it is, imperfect, unrestrained, problematic.

I see others with perfect lives, unhappy, unfulfilled, unloved.

Their lives bear no comparison to mine

I see love in my husband's eyes as he holds me

I see joy on the faces of my grandchildren as they see me

Caring in my children as they help me

I don't need wealth of money, I have wealth of love

I don't need fame, I am known by those who count me among them

I don't need glory, I have tasted glory in achievements

I don't need decorations, I have been decorated with being called -

Mother, grandmother, wife, daughter, sister, friend.

My imperfect life is full of medical imperfections

I am unrestrained by my conditions as I strive to live each day

It is problematic, as I turn a problem into a positive.

They are not happy as I am happy to be who I am

They are not fulfilled as I am fulfilled
 What my conditions have taught me

I am loved, by those whom I love.

Turn a negative into a positive

Turn a low into a high

Turn sadness to joy

Turn hate to love

Turn cries to laughter Turn discord into peace  Turn bitterness into pleasure

Turn misfortune into a blessing

Make your medical problems work FOR you not against

Turn them into advantages not disadvantages

If you saw other disabilities as well as your own

You would surely chose the devil you know.

Life behind the veil

I seem to live behind a veil, seeing but not seeing the world outside

It is close, if only I could reach out I could touch it

I shout out the words, but no one hears my impassioned plea

I shout a wordless cry of help, falling soundless on deafened ears

I see them moving, talking, laughing as though nothing else matters in the world

I cannot join their revalries, I am shut out from the crowd

I hear them and reply to them but yet await for them to know me

I am shut, trapped, resigned to live in a shadow

Neither here alone or with them outside

I have nothing for them, no voice, no thoughts

If they would only notice this veil and pull it away

If they would come and save me from this isolation

I could be somebody, prove my worth, see the world and laugh and talk once again.

One roll of the dice

 Life is a lottery you buy your ticket and see what comes up.

Some win a jackpot and squander the lot

Others bank it for a rainy day

Others receive a minor win

Yet most win the booby prize.

You make what you will of your lucky dip

Squandering a fortune sends them crashing down

Banking it does no good for anyone

A minor win can accumulate riches if put to good use

A booby prize can be turn into a pot of gold, by using it well.

Your life is in your hands

Use it well or you lose the prize.

One roll of the dice equals one chance to get it right.

More than words can say

I don't need words to express my feelings

I say more with my face, my eyes, my hands

My body too tells you all you need to know

Who needs words when there are other ways.

To show my love I open my arms

I hold you close and hear your heart

I smell your scent, I taste your tears

I feel your love, do you feel mine ?

I express my joy with smiles and laughter

I smile with my eyes as well as my mouth

Ecitement flushes my reddened cheeks

My energy flows like red hot lava.

My sadness fills my entire being

Tears fall, compassion shows

Comforting arms hold shaking bodies

A hand mops eyes red and sore.

I am not dumb when other ways,

Can be found to express my feelings

I ask your patience and observations

Actions speak a thousand words.

Words of hope

Tears course from swollen, reddened eyes

Dripping unseen to wet the floor

Frustration builds like a volcano inside

Filling my being bringing pain to the fore.

Feeling helpless and hopeless a daily chore

Searching and probing the depths of the mind

Where once an eloquence spilled forth

Now empty gaps fill a troubled brain.

Words of platitude do not help

They smack of sufferance and pity

A gesture of love quietens my whirling brain

Accepted from a loving hand.

Accepting a state of confused emotion

A world where words mean more than action

A world so different to the one I live

Words fail, hopes dashed, stress reigns.

Acceptance in this world of yours

Means more than wealth galore

To be seen as one with you is all,

I ask from each and everyone.

Don't mock or tease. Don't patronise

Don't fill my space with your own words

Patience, I ask, is all I need

And time to talk at my own leisure.

Not words alone

Words spin wildly in my head

I lurch and grab at every one

They soar away out of my reach

Before I chance myself to speak.

So many things I have to say

Words that tell how I may feel

They each express my hopes my fear

My desires and love of those most dear.

I long to say to each and one

I love you, need you, hold you tight

But words are fragile they come they go

They never stand clearly in a row.

My thoughts stay buried in my mind

Not able to reach my waiting lips

I tell my thoughts not by words alone

Gestures fill the void words fail to hone.

Belonging 

The wheels turn slowly heading for the destination

Carrying me to do my errands

Metal and rubber the wheels work -

To reach the places I could not otherwise go.

Some places are hard for the wheels to climb

They push on with fervent energy

The battery forces the current of life

The speed mounts as I hurry forward.

Safe and secure in my padded chair

Moving the controls to gain access

Meeting obstacles in my way

They are brushed aside with disdain.

I feel in control with my motorised friend

I can feel useful and needed

I can participate and engage in activities

Feel I belong and not an outsider.

Feeling accepted, feeling useful

No longer sitting on the sidelines

I can be in the midst of others

Being, feeling, doing, helping, sharing.

The rainbow arc of a promised future

Glimmering, glistening, radiating across the sky

The kaleidoscope arc radiates above

The dark, sombre days give way

A luminance of rays beat down

To warm, encourage, inspire me

A glimmer of hope courses through my veins

At last I can see the future

Not the depressing, dispirited, ominous days

But days that I could feel were full of expectancy

I could, once again, have the prospect of usefulness

This harbinger of this covenant

Instills optimism such as I had misplaced

The future could be absorbing, intriguing, enthralling

Assigning the days of despondency as detritus to the bin

It is possible to resume life in it's proper sense

Too long resigned to living behind a veil

At last the opportunity to reestablish a meaning to my existence.

What do you see ?

Look at me, what do you see ?

A person, that is me.

I have feelings, I have hopes,

I have desires by the bucketloads.

If you hit me I will hurt

If you cut me I will bleed

If you call me offensive names

I will cry tears of pain.

Inside, I am just like you

I love, I hate, I worry too

I am no different to all I see

I have a voice deep inside of me.

I didn't ask for what is done

I cannot change it, fate has won

But I will never sorry be

That what has happened, happened to me.

My voice will not carry through the air

It fails to register a note to share

But write, I can and my words are said

In black and white and can be read.

I tell you, I am human too

With blood and bones and feelings true

If you have time to read my words

You will hear my voice as it is shared.

Because I am different to you

It means I see things not clearly viewed

I see them from deep in my heart

Those are what I try to impart.

Together we can make a change

In peoples' perception easily made

The fight is on and with your help

A different generation will surely swell.

  Chic womankind

Minis, maxis, on the knee

Cropped pants, shorts, slacks, jeans

T-shirts, vests, blouses, tunics

Jumpers, cardies, shrugs, hoodies

Shoes, boots, sandals, crocks

Bare legs, stockings, tights, socks

Raincoats, overcoats, duffles, parkas,

Fleeces, shawls, capes, cagoules

Hats, caps, berets, snoods

Earrings, necklaces, brooches, pins

Rings, bracelets, cuffs, bangles

Handbags, satchels, rucksacks, purses

Holdalls, shoppers, clutches, carriers

Wheelchairs, crutches, sticks, scooters

Looking good, looking smart

Proud of the reflection in the mirror

Brush your hair, put on the lippy

Slick on the mascara, paint your nails

Spray on the perfume, face the world.

Reemergence

Peeking out from behind my veil
I see others just like me
A frisson of elation rushes through me
No longer alone, no longer isolated
I was not an anomoly
I wass, in my own way, normal
Too long hiding away from inquisitive eyes
And questioning looks
I may not be perfect, but then who is?
Perfection is unachieveable,
At least by humankind
For me, I do not seek perfection
I will settle for contentment
At last to cast aside my veil
Allow myself to be seen
In all my inadequacies
I can now look people in the eye
I can say, accept me for who I am
I have impediments
But beneath this exterior
I am your equal
Not your inferior
I have emerged from my sanctuary
To embrace the future. 

Time 

The clock ticks rhythmically, tick tock tick tock
Time passes slowly, solemnly, surely
Those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years
Ticking away our precious moments
How long since  I last spoke your name?
How long since I said 'I love you?'
How long since I asked the time?
I hear the time as it passes, striking the quarters, halves and hours
I hear as it tells me time is passing, time to say a word
Any word, one minute word, TIME
Time does wait, give it time, it will come
TIME to say, TIME to feel, TIME to be, TIME to try
Time has come to move on with the rhythmic tick tocking 
Given TIME it is possible.

Hope

A whisper, floating on the air
One word lifting, silent into the atmosphere
One tiny sound HOPE
HOPE is all around us
It envelops us
Tantamount to protecting and guiding us
HOPE, that little word brings joy to our hearts
HOPE, never to be given up, persevere for it is all we have.

A whisper, like a scream in the night
Loud, streaking through the air, slicing, forging into beyond
A sound, from unmoving lips, pleading for a response
HOPE, more precious than gold, brighter than a diamond
Sparkling, sharp, cutting, radiant
HOPE will never desert you
It empowers and motivates you
With HOPE nothing is unachievable.
 

Can't you hury up deer

Can't you hury up deer, I haven't got all day

Can't you hury up deer, I want to get away.

I got things to do deer, they realy cannot wate

I got things to do deer, I don't want to be late.

Can't he chose it for you, he seems a decent chap

Can't you let him help you, stop geting in a flap.

If you cannot chose deer, let him tell which one

Would suit you best deerie, and let us all be done.

Can't you speek more cleerly, I can't make out what you say

There's lot of pointing and arm waves, a strange way to behave.

Are you deff then deerie, or mentaly deranged

It must be hard for you deer with her so badly damaged.

No, I never herd of that, a new fangeled disease

It seems they are always finding a new name for lunacy.

Well, it isn't normal to act the way she does

Grunting, crying, stuttering, and many a cuss.

Sorry I'm sure deerie, if I've got you upset

But I can't understnd you, and I've tried my best.

Think how my other customers feel to here your muddled speech

If fair gives them the shivers to here you call that cardigan a peech !

I think it best my deeries she stays at home now on

We wouldn't want to distress the others in the town

They want to live quite peceful like with nothing to distress

And seeing you in this state would surely not impress.

I need to get educated, is that what you are saying ?

I need to understnd your problms, and how you are coping ?

I need to lern how to comunicate with others like you ?

You meen there are more out there, what am I to do ?

So, you are inteligent, just language has gone astray

You understnd what I mean and heer all I say.

Tis a funy busness this thing you have aquired

What's that is called ? A funy word that APHASIA .

The Mask

I hear the comments peple make of me

You are hapy, you look well, bettr than ever

Life is good to you, you have come through so well.

They see the mask I were that hides the truth.

Remove the mask and see what lies beyond

The confushon in my hed, the battle with words

The names I cannot remembr,

The strugle to live day to day.

I wear my mask to protect those around me

To tell them I cope with this pain

To face a criticle world

To convins myself I am not beaten.

My batle for words never ends

My batle to remembr agonises

My batle with the fog envelups me

I batle to live a normle life.

My mask is my protecter

My mask get me thrugh the days

My mask tells peple I can live

My mask says here is a surviver.